How to recover from burnout

THIS TRANSCRIPT IS COMPUTER‐GENERATED. IT IS POSTED TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND OR FIND CERTAIN PARTS YOU ARE INTERESTED IN. ALTHOUGH THE TRANSCRIPTION IS LARGELY ACCURATE, IN SOME CASES IT IS INCOMPLETE OR INACCURATE (COULD IT BE BECAUSE OF WENDY’S SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT?). SO, IT MIGHT GIVE YOU A LAUGH HERE AND THERE!

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Welcome to the healthy and moms podcast where every week, you will learn about healthier habits and hacks to create and support healthy and thriving lifestyle as a busy mom. I'm your host Wendy and I truly believe that the best gift you can give to your family and the world is a healthy thriving you. Let's dive in

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lovely. Welcome back to Episode Eight of the healthy and thriving career moms podcast season three, the inspiring mum series and today I'm gonna do something a little bit different. You've got me, you've got me as a solo episode today. I actually have something else planned for you. But something happened to me last week and it made me stop and think actually, I need to come talk to you. I need to come talk to you about what I've been going through and just really to share what's been on my heart so let's jump in today's episode.

00:59

So it's been a strange time, hasn't it the last few weeks. I mean, let's be honest, the last two years but in particular this year. I think we all have this hope in us that things would really start to improve and then you know, I'm not telling you anything you don't know here but the war in Ukraine and all the cost of living rises, all that kind of negativity which I do believe the media are spinning a lot of fear right now and we really need to rise above in saying that as a busy mom, myself, I got to the point last week where I just felt completely and utterly defeated. Now, don't get me wrong. It was coming up to that time of the month. So I'm typically more tired and emotional than usual. And that's normal. But it was more than that. It was just this sense of like,

01:46

Seriously Seriously. I mean, I don't know about you but having just come through the summer holidays and that kind of lack of routine which is has so many benefits on one hand but for me I was just so ready to get back to work get back. I you know had some big goals. I really want to focus on achieving this quarter and part honestly need to achieve like, you know, current economic circumstances notwithstanding, you know, there's pressure on all of us. So, get back to work. And then lo and behold, the unthinkable happens and our amazing, gorgeous majesty passes away. And it's just like a big slap across the chops again, and you just think, Oh, my goodness, seriously. And then, besides all that emotional turmoil, I mean, I just don't think many of us realize how much the

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Queen meant to us until she was no longer and just that, you know, coming off the back of these two weeks the mourning period certainly here in the UK. I appreciate it's not every case everywhere in the world, but for us, certainly here in the UK. There was so much emotions around I think everyone was just walking around in the state of utter disbelief that our beautiful queen our stall was the person who was our guiding light who was that constant throughout all the turmoil that we've experienced over the last couple of years with a pandemic. And yeah, this is not sort of a an ode to the queen but at the same time, it is like I want to give sort of credit and respect where it is today and I'm the royalists but at the same time, I recognize that as a working mom, the Queen was the ultimate, I believe in seven hearts of leadership in saying all that,

03:24

I don't know about you, but as a business owner, I had plans in place and it was kind of this uncharted territory where we suddenly had to stop promoting stop almost showing up on social media because we wanted to be respectful at the same time, knowing that we were still there to serve our audience. We still had a business to run all those things. And I think I just got to the point last week, where I was just like, this has not been the start to the new school year that I had anticipated. And I was just feeling really flat and defeated which is not like me, I am very much a glass half full person. I always look on the bright side. The common thing that people will say to me all the time is Why are you so happy? Why do you have so much energy like why is your positive? I've actually been told on countless occasions in my life that I'm true positive, actually was reminded last week of a cold in my first job here in the UK to tone down my personality.

04:20

To give you an idea of how positive I can be. So it just really was uncharacteristic for me to just be feeling that kind of defeatist kind of empty feeling. And I just really wanted to be honest with you about that, because I'm all about the real talk. It's the reason I'm putting on this series for us. It's the reason I want to do these interviews with different mums who've gone through different sort of circumstances in difficult times and just to really lift the lid because I was chatting to a dear friend over the weekend a friend who I've actually lost touch with over the last couple of years she's been you we've always been respectively going through a really difficult time me having lost my dad and many of you will have listened to the podcast or maybe you

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haven't but my dad passed away a couple of years ago in South Africa during COVID and I needed to then tie up all the estate with my mom over here. She's moved in with us, which has been a real challenge. Most people is it Yeah. I don't know how you can live with your mom. I'm like, I don't know how I live with my mom. Like it's, it's not easy, and I think I underestimated how much of an impact that would be on my life and my routine and everything as a family. So that's been really tricky over the past year to really navigate for my mom and for me, Randy, and for my husband and my daughter and the dogs and everything else. So yeah, we were just chatting and she sort of had been through a really difficult time she's fed up with her husband and we were just

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saying you know she'd had a perception that maybe our friendship had perhaps waned and was no longer there. Yet. My perception because we were very honest with each other was that I'd reached out on many occasions, yet she pushed me away and she said, Well, actually, that was my way of coping. I just didn't know what to say. And then when I kind of gave her a bit of a whistlestop tour, catch up on what's going on with me. She's like, Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. You've been going through all this stuff. And I'm really sorry. And actually, it was really good to clear the air but something that she said to me that really struck me is she said, we all think it's just us that's going through we don't realize you know, the world doesn't just revolve around us.

06:19

Everybody's going through hard stuff. So I suppose the point of what I'm trying to say to you is that everybody's going through tough stuff. And I think being that naturally positive person I always want to put on a positive front. Not to say that I'm faking it, but it's just I always want to come from a positive but then I actually think I'm reminded of the quote by Ed my lead to I was so fortunate to listen to at a conference recently where he said, If you want to impress people, show them your perfection. And if you want to connect with people, show them your imperfection. And that to me resonated so much and I thought, actually, I want to be real with you. I want to say look, I struggle just as much and get to points where I feel completely burnt out and overwhelmed.

07:05

And last week was one of those points. And so what did I do? What did I do when I got to that point when I just thought you know what, it's all just too much. And also as a side note to that, because my dad died in South Africa and we decided that we were going to cremate and bring his ashes here all legitimately unpackaged you can't even believe the rigmarole you have to go through to have ashes come out of a foreign country to another country anyway. It was we were going to lay his ashes to rest here so that we can visit him and so that is actually taking place today if you're listening to the episode in real time, in fact, and so yeah, that was you know, I found that more emotional than I realized. So obviously, a lot of extenuating circumstances going on as to why

07:45

I was feeling that way, but overarching ly I was feeling that feeling you know that feeling of like, I have nothing left to give right now I am done. I'm just like Dun dun dun. And so what did I do? What did I do and what am I doing currently to lift myself out of that feeling of like, Okay, it's time, I need to reset things. So what I did was took a very long, hard look at my diary for the next couple of months coming up. And as I may well have mentioned, or you might have seen on social media, I'm involved in a couple of volunteer organizations that I give my time to, and I've actually had to take a step back, certainly from the day to day and still able to contribute, but just not in terms of the time that I was necessarily going to over the next couple of months,

08:33

but I'm just going to adjust that slightly and do something different, which is still going to have a good impact but not necessarily the week to week stuff. And then also just to strip back on some obligations were offered to help people communities, coaching certain programs, things that actually I just had to say Do you know what? I don't have capacity to do that right now. And you know what people are? So understanding when you actually look at your lesson, you think, right, do I really have to do that or don't I have to do that. Like, you realize you don't there's no one holding a gun to your head. So literally, people will come back to me going absolutely. And also because people know me they know if I say look, I just need to create some space over the next couple of months. I've got a couple of exciting projects that I really need to get stuck into for my

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business and things and so more on that shortly. But yeah, I just needed to create space in my life so that I could focus. Another one of the things that I'm doing at the moment is we're actually doing a bit of a house rejig. And now that we've all been living together for a year we realize how we live and what's going to make us live better together. So we're actually sort of my mom's moving into sort of more of an annex area, so she's more separate. So just to create some more space in our household and I'm actually going through the process of really decluttering a lot of stuff that has built up over the last three years since we moved into our home. And my goal is that by the end of October, and I mean I've literally been scrubbing and it's very cathartic like when you're feeling really overwhelmed to like get down, clear out drawers, scrub Chuck away

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stuff like really just nurture your home from the inside out. And I found that very therapeutic and very helpful because having a tidy clean, structured home is what really helps me certainly it helps me cope with the day to day, especially with ADHD. So that is something practical that I've been doing, stripping the diary back and really creating a not to do list so another example was my daughter's school. I've just actually come up with her nursery schools fundraising committee, even though she hasn't been there a year already, but I've been on the committee that actually came off that recently with the beauty joining my daughter's like the PTA as such now, so this term, but the meeting was scheduled to be this week and I just have decided not to do it. I will do it next term. I do want to be involved. But I also recognize that this is a very busy time of year for me and that

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I'm actually already helping the school with some healthy me talks that I'm delivering to six of the classes this quarter. And so I'm actually already doing my bit I don't need to then go and add more because I know myself I'll go to that meeting and I'll say I'll do that. I'll do that and I'll just add more to my plate. So I'm just gonna take myself out of the equation and just not go to the meeting because I just I know myself so if you someone who knows yourself that you know you can't help it say yes to things like sit on your hands, physically or metaphorically and just don't engage in something. Sometimes it is okay to go through a season where you're not giving you're actually filling yourself back up.

11:32

So this morning, I mix it up in my morning time and I've actually just, I was getting into a bit of a bad habit of maybe checking my phone earlier than I would and then getting sucked into work early. And I actually did not check my phone before nine o'clock today and just made sure that first part of the day was really reserved for me filling my jog as such and reading a really good burger, not loads of time but just writing down some journals and thought padding up my day and just giving myself that space and just giving myself what I need right now and I appreciate someone might be listening to this thinking oh, that's really nice for you when I was on the school, run banana got raw, you know all the things but it's also being able to ask for help. So I have said to my husband and explained, this is how I'm feeling you might not have a husband or partners or you can totally get that.

12:18

But it's just it's really asking for what you know that you need. And just being able to push back in places that when you really look at it, you can actually strip back a lot that's in your diary that you perhaps have ever committed on just to create that space to nurture what you need. And just focusing on what are those two to three habits right now that I can really zero in on that are really going to help me get back to a place where I'm me again, where I'm thriving again, where I'm feeling healthy within myself. And so really I hope that makes sense for you today. I feel like I've perhaps maybe just come on and just like rambled on it. You about feeling blue and feeling sad, but I hope that maybe some of what I've shared has really helped you. I mean, I have actually recorded a podcast episode which I will link to in the show notes on mum burnout, specifically, how to recognize the signs of it and what you can do to overcome it. I've also written a blog on the same topic.

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So there's resources there that I'll point to if you want to dive more into that. If this resonates for you do screenshot tag me on social media, let's get the word out that it's okay to not be okay that it's okay to hit a point where you need to hold your hand up and say, I need help. I need support. Yeah, and that was my moment. Last week I reached out to a couple of good people in my life that I know I could trust and spoke to them objectively about how I was feeling and really got their feedback. And it was good to be validated. I mean, I don't share any of this to make you feel sorry for me, but to share it to say I go through this stuff too. And this is how I'm working through it. And I'm always going to be honest and real with you about that.

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And so if that's resonated for you today, do share and also just a reminder to come and join us in the healthy thriving career moms Facebook group so this is actually where I first put a post up on Friday afternoon about how I've been feeling and the fact that I've really been struggling and the outpouring from that community. Just even in the middle care emoji was so heartwarming to me and just to know that that was a safe space that I could go into and just share with other career moms, other moms, and just how I was feeling because I really feel like when we do share other women look at that and think that's me too. Like I'm not alone.

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And that's the whole point for me and creating this community is to help moms feel like they're not alone to know that they have. We've got your back and so that's what that community that Facebook community is there for you. So I will link to that in the show notes as well make sure that you are part of that community. And you know, I hope this resonated today and we'll be back to the sheduled interviews as of next week. I've got some amazing interviews coming up with you with doctors and stylists and all sorts of incredible people. So look out for that. But in the meantime, I just want to give you a big Virtual hug and thank you for being part of this community. I love you loves Take care.

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Thank you for tuning in today. I'm so grateful for you. If this episode has resonated make sure you visit Wendy Griffith dot code at UK to discover more of my content and my fantastic free resources to support you in thriving. Or if you'd like to continue the conversation further. Drop me a DM by Instagram at Windy Griffith live healthy. I'd love to hear from you. Until next time, keep thriving.